Articles Posted in Divorce

Child support payments are intended to help cover kids’ basic costs, including money for food, clothing, and shelter. Sometimes, other costs come up. As California’s Fourth District Court of Appeals recently explained, any healthcare-related costs that arise along the way are usually considered additional child support costs to be split evenly between divorced parents.

tightened-100-dollar-roll-1377964-mHusband and Wife separated in 2007. A court awarded Husband primary custody of the couple’s daughter in 2012 and ordered Wife to pay him $540 in monthly child support. The court also ordered Husband to pay Wife $1,800 in monthly spousal support. In reaching the decision, the court found that Wife was making about $2,000 per month, while Husband was bringing in roughly five times that amount.

Father went back to the court about five months later, informing it that a juvenile court had ordered the couple’s daughter to spend four months in an inpatient substance abuse program in juvenile hall or be placed in an inpatient rehabilitation facility. Father asked that Wife be ordered to pay half of the $8,000 per month it was going to cost to send Daughter to the out-of-state facility. He said Wife had insisted on sending Daughter to an inpatient facility and had agreed to foot half of the bill. Husband added that his savings were rapidly depleting and that he could no longer afford to pay spousal support, since he was paying for Daughter’s care.

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Many divorcing couples who wish to resolve the issues in their divorce with their personal and economic dignity intact, preserve or create a positive co-parenting relationship for the benefit of their children, save money and preserve assets, or for a host of other good reasons, choose mediation or Collaborative Divorce rather than litigation and traditional attorneys. Such folks tend to see divorce as a problem to be solved rather than a battle to be won.

But whatever process is used, divorce in California requires that a Petition for Dissolution and Summons be filed by one spouse and served on the other spouse in order to commence the dissolution process and to establish the court’s jurisdiction to terminate the marriage.

The Summons, in particular, can be problematic. The first page states, “You are being sued” and “you have 30 days to respond” and the second page sets forth numerous rules called automatic restraining orders. It is not uncommon for spouses who are trying to work together in a civil and respectful process to be shocked and somewhat hurt when faced with a document telling them they are being sued by their spouse.

The restraining orders prohibit either spouse from doing any of the following:

  1. Remove the minor child or children of the parties, if any, from the state without the prior written consent of the other party or an order of the court;
  2. Cashing, borrowing against, canceling, transferring, disposing of, or changing the beneficiaries of any insurance or other coverage, including life, health, automobile, and disability, held for the benefit of the parties and their minor child or children;
  3. Transferring, encumbering, hypothecating, concealing, or in any way disposing of any property, real or personal, whether community, quasi-community, or separate, without the written consent of the other party or an order of the court, except in the usual course of business or for the necessities of life; and
  4. Creating a nonprobate transfer or modifying a nonprobate transfer in a manner that affects the disposition of property subject to the transfer, without the written consent of the other party or an order of the court. Before revocation of a nonprobate transfer can take effect or a right of survivorship to property can be eliminated, notice of the change must be filed and served on the other party.

Parties must notify each other of any proposed extraordinary expenditures at least five business days prior to incurring these extraordinary expenditures and account to the court for all extraordinary expenditures made after these restraining orders are effective.

The principles and policies underlying the restraining orders generally make sense and are rules that should be followed by divorcing spouses for all of the right reasons. For example, assets should not be hidden, new debt should not be created, and insurance should stay intact until there has been adequate disclosure and agreements made.

Fortunately, divorcing couples using mediation or Collaborative divorce processes need never step foot inside the courtroom, but must comply with the requisite judicial paperwork, some more useful than others, to obtain a divorce. Issues of property division, child custody and child support, and spousal support can all be resolved by gathering all of the financial disclosure information and brainstorming and creating optimal outcomes for the entire family.

But there should be a way for those folks who are willing and able to resolve the issues with respect and civility outside of the courts, to obtain a divorce without the harsh and decidedly uncivil service of a summons. And furthermore, those folks who can solve their problems without the aid of the courts should have substantially reduced filing fees and not have to pay $435 for filing a Petition and another $435 for filing a Response.

However, since the state of California is unlikely to see the wisdom of this anytime in the near future, the best that divorcing couples can do is work with professionals who will explain the process to them together so that both can hear and understand at the same time and have their questions answered. It is very helpful in reducing the fear and anxiety that normally arises when one is served with a document that says, “You Are Being Sued.”

With offices throughout the San Francisco Bay Area, Collaborative divorce attorney and mediator Lorna Jaynes provides innovative legal tools to resolve many family law disputes without the bitterness, acrimony and out of control costs engendered by the adversarial process.

 

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In a new commercial in India for Tanishq jewellery, a woman preparing for her wedding puts on a Tanishq necklace. At the ceremony, her daughter calls her asking if she can participate in the pheras, an Indian ceremony where the couple walk around a fire seven times while saying their vows. The groom is moved by the girl and picks her up, filling his bride with emotion.

A non-Indian would likely miss this point, but it is clear in the ad that this is a second marriage for both bride and groom, and since historically in India, divorced or widowed women are outcasts, the ad is contrary to Indian tradition. The ad is apparently causing quite a stir in India with viewers talking about the cultural taboos and also about the bride’s relatively dark complexion, a turn away from the country’s mainstream obsession with light-skinned lead actresses.

The ad has sparked conversations on Twitter, with celebrities and politicians also weighing in. Parliament member and industrialist Naveen Jindal praised the bride’s darker skin tone and the non-traditional marriage. Apparently, the team that created the ad chose the actors to ensure the couple would look like one of respectable equals, because otherwise traditional-minded Indians might otherwise have assumed that the man was marrying the divorced or widowed woman out of pity.

Living and working in a town that is majority Asian, I have many divorcing Indian clients who invariably express their concerns that divorce is dishonorable and shameful in their culture. I feel sad for them because divorce is hard enough without this added burden. Most everyone feels sadness and a sense of failure at some level, among many other difficult emotions. These feelings should not be exacerbated by familial and social shaming and dishonor. Hopefully this ad will start a much needed conversation among Indians about the need to support each other in these difficult times, not shame each other and add to the pain.

Another way to minimize the financial and emotional pain of divorce is to resolve the issues outside of court through Collaborative divorce or mediation, private and voluntary processes that enable spouses to divorce privately and in accordance with their own values.

With offices throughout the Bay Area, California divorce lawyer Lorna Jaynes provides options and processes to resolve family law disputes and divorce without the bitterness and hostility engendered by the adversarial process.

baby-clothes-1406945-m.jpgChild custody and support are often common issues in California divorce proceedings, both for children born during the marriage, as well as those born prior to one or both spouses prior to their marriage.  In In re Marriage of Abbate, the Fourth District Court of Appeals explains the circumstances where a divorcing spouse may be required to pay support even if he or she isn’t the natural parent.

Ms. Camarata had a three-year old son when she married Mr. Abbate in 2005 and the parental rights of the biological father of the boy were terminated one year later. Abbate agreed to assume the role as the boy’s father, and the couple filed a petition for Abbate to become the child’s adoptive father the same year, but they divorced before the petition was approved.

In 2007, Camarata took her son to a hospital for treatment, asserting that that he’d been sexually molested. The boy was sent for therapy, which the court said continued until at least June 2010. Believing it was Abbate who had molested her son, Camarata left the marriage and filed a petition for divorce. She named Abbate as the child’s adoptive parent and asked for child support. A court granted a dissolution of the marriage in 2010, but denied the request for child support.

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The State of California operates under a community property regime in which assets and debts derived from the efforts or actions of either spouse during the course of a marriage are considered joint property to be divided equally between the spouses in the event of divorce. In In re Marriage of Rynda, the California Court of Appeals for the First District explains what happens to community property when one of the divorcing spouses also files for bankruptcy.

dollar-2-1003609-m.jpgCarolina and David were married in January 1996. The couple worked together as owners of a small insurance company until Carolina filed for divorce more than eight years later. A superior court dissolved the marriage in May 2005 and ordered that all community property – including the business – be divided equally among the former spouses. When Carolina filed for bankruptcy in 2009, however, the court ordered that all valuations of the couple’s assets for the purpose of dividing it between them be halted until the bankruptcy proceedings were completed. A bankruptcy court-appointed trustee later sold much of the property. That included Carolina’s stock in the company, which the trustee sold to David.

Back in the superior court, Carolina filed a motion claiming that she was entitled to a 50 percent ownership interest in the business and to be compensated for the community debts that were extinguished during the bankruptcy process. She also argued that there remained community property from the marriage for the superior court to divide. The court disagreed. “[T]he bankruptcy court has superior jurisdiction to the superior court,” the judge said. “And if the bankruptcy court divided your businesses or sold them, then they’re done with them. I can’t do anything about that.”

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So, sadly I was in court recently for what I hope will be my last litigation matter ever. Both clients and attorneys waited for nearly three hours because we were called last, a process that costs most clients a great deal of money for little to no effort on the part of the attorney except that I was helping my client at no cost. One more example of how divorce litigation costs can spiral out of control.

So we sat for three hours watching the other matters. One couple and their attorneys came before the judge and said they had reached an agreement on child custody and visitation where the eldest boy would live primarily with the Dad and the two younger kids would stay with the mum, but the parents lived in different towns about 2-3 hours apart.

The mom explained cogently and with heartfelt emotion why they felt this was in the best interest of the children and their family. The dad agreed. The judge, however, had other ideas and decided that she, someone who does not know this family from a hole in the ground, would supplant their thoughtful decisions with her own and rejected their agreement.

Generally, separating children is not considered an optimal solution, but there is no right answer and no perfect arrangement for every family. But, absent abuse or neglect, every family should have the right to make these decisions for themselves. This family had clearly given considerable thought to their circumstances and had good reasons for their decision. And, moreover, the parents had worked through and resolved their own conflicts, so that the children would not be subjected to the anxiety and trauma that is experienced with parental conflict over custody and visitation.

It is outrageous, in my opinion, that the opinions of a disinterested third party should supplant the thoughtful decisions of caring and committed parents. In retrospect I wish I had had the presence of mind to follow the couple out of the court room and tell them to forget the judge, to tell them that they can make their own decisions. The parents could easily have filed a judgment or an order that would have enabled them to co-parent in accordance with their family’s needs and that satisfied the court.

So, if you don’t want a black robed politician making important, intimate decisions about your life, don’t go to court- mediate, collaborate, whatever it takes, stay in charge of your life, be the master of your own destiny and make your own decisions.

Resolve conflict out of court and just say no to state interference in your personal life.

With offices throughout the San Francisco Bay Area, Collaborative divorce attorney and mediator Lorna Jaynes provides innovative legal tools to resolve many family law disputes without the bitterness and acrimony engendered by the adversarial process.

 

A person seeking to increase or decrease spousal support payments in California generally has to show that the circumstances have significantly changed since the support award was initially ordered. In a recent case, the state’s Third District Court of Appeals explained that a court can’t modify a support award if it doesn’t know how the first court originally determined the award amount.

indian-money-4-1400712-mHusband and Wife separated some time before 2008, the year in which they went to trial on various issues related to their divorce, one of them being spousal support. Husband filed documentation indicating that his monthly income was roughly $34,000 in salary, wages, and bonuses, that his monthly expenses were just under $9,500, and that he owned real property worth about $450,000. Wife, on the other hand, said she was making about $8,300 per month and had more than $8,400 per month in expenses. She also stated that she owned about $700,000 in real estate.

A trial judge dissolved the marriage and ordered Husband to pay Wife spousal support on a sliding scale through 2023. Husband was ordered to pay Wife $3,000 per month and 30 percent of his annual bonus in the first five years, $2,000 per month and 20 percent of his annual bonus over the next five years, and $1,000 per month and 10 percent over the last five years.

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If you’ve previously read this blog, you may already know that we generally advise divorcing spouses to avoid the court system as much as possible and to strongly consider alternatives to traditional divorce litigation, including mediation and collaborative divorce. A recent case out of California’s Fourth District Court of Appeals is a good reminder of one of the major drawbacks of the traditional system:  the significant possibility for unreasonable delay and improper judgments.

courthouse-1330873-mIn this particular case, the spouses’ divorce was assigned to a court commissioner. Since the judiciary is flooded with work, the powers that be have devised a system in which non-judge commissioners act as “temporary judges” to hold hearings and render decisions in divorce and other matters. However, this particular commissioner was not qualified to render a decision.

Husband and Wife divorced in 2004 and entered into a marital settlement agreement in which the couple agreed to split child care and health care expenses for their children, and Husband pledged to pay child support on a sliding scale that eventually increased to more than $800 per month. In March 2011, the San Diego Department of Child Support Services levied money from Husband’s bank account for unpaid support and filed two motions against him:  one seeking to modify the payments and require Husband to look for a job and the other asking a court to determine the amount that he owed Wife in past due support payments.

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As a divorce lawyer and mediator, I often encounter people struggling with the decision of whether or not to divorce. Since I have no idea what is the right decision for anyone else, I often say that a decision to divorce will be made when the pain of staying is greater than the fear of leaving. That’s how it was for me anyway. It is always a good idea to keep working on a marriage if both are committed and invested and hopefully the effort will lead to a more joyful union. But sometimes it does not and divorce is the right choice. And the pain of leaving will pass. The pain of staying will not.

Here are a few reasons why, in some cases, divorce might be the right choice:

  1. Staying married is usually not better for the kids.

It just adds to the pain of those in an unhappy marriage to feel that divorce will harm the children. It is important to consider the children’s feelings, and to protect them from the harm of a high conflict divorce, and ensure that their relationships with both parents are nurtured and maintained. However, the idea that staying in a bad marriage is somehow better for kids is dubious. What is more harmful and even traumatizing is living in a home filled with negative emotion, tension, and conflict. If the marriage is unhappy and a thoughtful decision to end it is made, you are modeling for your children that they do not have to be passive participants in their own unhappiness. However, it is essential that the divorce not be a high conflict one since studies show that kids of high conflict divorce more likely to experience delinquent behavior, a reduction in ability to maintain supportive friendships and dating relationships and less trust in future spouse. A divorce process such as Collaborative or mediation can help couples resolve the issues in a positive, respectful and mutual way and protect the children from the conflict.

  1. Improved wellbeing.

Chronic marital distress, unhappiness and conflict can create a fight-or-flight state, where one may feel they are “walking on eggshells,’ fearful of saying anything for fear of adverse reactions. This can result in sleeping problems, unhealthy eating habits, abuse of anti-depressants, or other forms of self-medication. The toll that negative relationships can take on physical health should not be underestimated. Some research suggests that chronically negative or abusive relationships can shorten one’s lifespan. So, ending a toxic relationship may be the first step to improved physical, mental and emotional well-being.

  1. You may create the opportunity for more satisfying relationships in the future.

Sometimes working through a difficult marriage and developing greater self-awareness around what your role may have been can lead to a happier relationship in the future. If after thoughtful work on yourself and your own weaknesses, there is no progress in your marriage, then the longer you stay, the longer you deny yourself the possibility of romantic happiness. Instead of fearing facing the world alone, fear spending a lifetime in an unhappy relationship. Fear of being alone is not an adequate reason to stay in a marriage and actually increases the misery, as one feels trapped and powerless.

  1. The grief will pass.

For some who know they need and want a divorce, the fear of unbearable pain and loneliness keeps them stuck. As difficult as ending a relationship can be, however, many find that they learn something from the pain and find some personal growth in the process. For example, they become more connected with family and friends, or find more meaning from other relationships. And it is helpful to take time to grieve, to give yourself time to experience the loss and process the feelings around ending a significant relationship.

  1. Giving up the fantasy that things will improve can be liberating.

Many live for years with a hope that the relationship will improve. And hope is important, but without meaningful action, it is misguided. Although the hope for improvement can sometimes provide relief, in the long run it can lead to defeat and disappointment when things don’t improve. If you and your partner are not actively working to improve the marriage and there is no real improvement, and both are not equally committed to the work, then hoping for improvement may just leave you stuck in a very unhappy situation.

 

So, once that decision has been made the next decision is how to proceed. There are many decisions to make in a divorce – how to divide the marital assets and debts, how to co-parent the children, how to address issues of child and spousal support.

These are all important, but the most important decision, is what kind of process will be used to make these decisions. There are several ways to divorce – from the kitchen table, do it yourself variety, to mediation, Collaborative and litigated. A contentious, litigated divorce is nearly always financially and emotionally toxic for all concerned. It is infinitely harder on the children that a respectful and thoughtful process, such as mediation or Collaborative divorce. Mediation and Collaborative divorces, on the other hand, allow couples to create an optimum outcome for the whole family and create a positive and respectful co-parenting agreement.

With offices throughout the Bay Area, California divorce lawyer Lorna Jaynes approaches divorce cases as a problem to be solved, not a battle to be won. She handles each case personally, taking the time to understand each individual client’s needs and interests and explaining the various options for resolving these matters. Call us at (510) 795-6304 or contact us online to set up an appointment.

 

California law allows a family court judge to deny or reduce spousal support payments in a divorce case when the spouse requesting or receiving the support has been convicted of domestic violence against the other spouse during the last five years. The law, set out in Section 4325 of the California Court of Appeals, was enacted in January 2004. The state’s Second District Court of Appeals recently explained that the law can nevertheless be applied retroactively to cover domestic abuse convictions before the statute went into effect.

rings-1185863-m.jpgHusband filed for divorce from Wife in July 2002. He alleged at the time that Wife had physically and verbally abused him roughly 200 times over the course of their marriage, including by punching him, threatening him with knives, and trying to push him down a flight of stairs. Wife was charged with a crime following an incident in 2000, in which Husband said he awoke to find her yelling at him and brandishing two knives. Wife proceeded to stab holes into the waterbed in which Husband had been sleeping, according to a police report, and Husband was cut in a struggle for the knives.

Husband and Wife entered into an agreement in 2004, under which they settled various property distribution issues and in which Husband agreed to pay Wife monthly spousal support. The appeals court later recounted that Wife continued to pepper Husband with profane and threatening text messages following their divorce, and she also harassed Husband’s fiancé. She violated restraining orders obtained by both Husband and the fiancé, according to the Court.

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